Tuesday and yet another diagnosis?!

Another long day, but a better one. They removed Sadie from her paralytics two days ago (Vassopressin, I think was the name), but she had not shown any response at all until late last night, when she twitched one of her fingers. Today we've seen a few more twitches, mostly fingers, but some facial twitches and once or twice in her feet. But it's not what they'd hoped for, and it indicates that there has been damage to her kidneys (that, and her sodium is not at the levels it should be). So, now we have to have a preventative dialysis catheter put into place during her surgery to ensure that no more damage is done to her kidneys. The good news is that renal failure does tend to mend itself in these younger patients, and in 1-6 months after surgery her kidneys should be good as new, barring all other "circumstances" that could arise.

It didn't get my spirit down too much today though - seeing her finger twitch was the sign I needed that she's still in there, waiting to be feisty once again. The sad thing about it all is that the kidney problems were most likely caused by the type of pain medication and paralytics used. There's more expensive stuff out there that would not have caused this (most likely), but the hospital powers that be do not use it unless necessary (as it now will be for her). It makes me want to scream. Kind of like them driving her here instead of flying her, which should have been done. But I can't dwell on the should haves, or I'd go crazy. OK, I am going that way a bit anyway.

Yesterday was my emotional day, and I was a wreck. We had to sign the consent forms for her surgery, which no parent should have to do. It sucks. I'd read all of the side affects, possible problems and worst outcomes on the Internet, and already knew the risks. But it's totally different when it's written out in front of you on a document you have to sign to acknowledge that these things could happen to your baby. I've been kind of low the past few days, so I went and got Katie and brought her to be with me. She's been great and loves her baby sister so much. She is so gentle and gets so much of what is happening that it amazes me. Last night she asked if Sadie would die because she was so sick... no (almost) 4-year old should understand that much about what is happening to their baby sister. My heart just breaks to know that she understands how serious this is.

We all just know, though, that our little Sadie is tough - she's already made it this far, and we can't wait for surgery so that we can be on the road to healing. We did get some good news - they may bump her up to Thursday due to a cancellation, so we're hoping for that. Maybe. I don't know - she's #1 on Friday, and I kind of like to think of her going in the op room when the doctors are fresh and sharp in the morning. Either way, it looks like it will happen this week, and while I'm nervous, I can't wait for it. I know it will be a long week afterwards, but I think we're as prepared as we can be for it at this point, and the waiting is just driving us crazy.