Thursday, January 06, 2011

Three Months Later...

Wow. Three months since I've logged in and written anything. There are many reasons why. But the primary reason is work - I spend all day on the phone and on the computer. The last thing I want to do when I come home is spend more time on there (except when working at home, which I've been doing a lot in the evenings). I love my current role right now, but as all contractors know, the good ones always end too soon. I roll off soon, and while I'm disappointed that I don't get to see this particular project through warranty, I've learned more than I imagined I could about my client and healthcare in general in the last few months. It's been an incredible opportunity. But a ton of work.

So let's see, three months worth of updates in one blog entry. I'll keep it simple and bulleted. It seems that's the only way I write these days anyways...


  • Straight As, perfect behavior at school, my little perfectionist clone. God help her.
  • Got her first bra. Not that she needed it. She doesn't. But it's her most prized possession. And a Christmas gift from my mom. Which I find ironic since my mom wouldn't let me wear a bra until I was waaaaayyyy past due.
  • Coping a bit better with the separate households these days, though it's still a struggle for her more so than anyone I think. She wants to be here all the time, yet misses her dailiy interactions with her dad. My heart breaks for her, though on the flip side, I know we are all better off than we were before.
  • Took violin lessons and rocked at them. Unfortunately, however, she hates practice. And I don't have the time or energy to push her to do so daily. Or drive for an hour for each practice twice a week. And so we're taking a haitus this semester.
  • Funniest 4-year old ever. Ever. The kid keeps me in stitches 24-7. Right now most of her stand-up focuses on potty humor. She does have quite a few other themes, however, the most painful of which is, of course, knock-knocks that end in whatever the subject was and "butt!" A prime example was tonight's bedtime joke (she tells me one each night after stories and snuggles) - "Knock, knock" "who's there?" "unicorn" "unicorn who?" "unicorn butt!".
  • Has taken to gnashing her teeth at night when she's over tired. Not grinding. Gnashing. If you have never heard someone do this, it has to be the worst sound ever heard by mankind. Now I understand all those biblical verses that talk about the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Um yeah. That's a typical night in my household lately.
  • Has the cutest way of speaking, but it's more and more apparent that her pallet issues need to be addressed (she has a raised pallat that resulted from intubation as a baby). We're working on r's and g's and l's at home,  but we are going to need some help as I'm finding more and more people have a tough time understanding her. It's kind of sad, though. It's so darn cute. But of course I don't want her to speak this way when she's 13. Not as cute then.
  • Wake. Kids/dogs. Work. Kids/dogs. Work. Sleep. That's basically my life these days. Unless it's a weekend and you double the number of kids running through my home. If you haven't seen or heard from me, it's not that I don't like you any more. I do. I'm just too tired to be a very good friend these days. Or do much besides clean up after the hoards of children running rampant through my home.
  • The divorce is final and a done deal. My only feeling when it was over was relief. A tinge of sadness, sure, over what might have been, but we all knew that ship sailed long ago, so I'm glad to be moving on with life, officially.
  • Dating. Ugh. The thing about dating when you're in your 30s and you've been married for over 13 years (would have been 15 in December, but we decided that neither of us really counted the last two... sadly), is that the ENTIRE thing has changed. You have to remember - last time I was a free agent was a brief fleeting moment in my freshman year of college. I had no cell phone yet. I'd just set up my very first email account. Now? Everything is done by text, email. Chivalry and basic dating manners seem to be for the most part extinct. I was shocked when I went on a date the other day and the guy walked me to my car afterward. And then opened my door for me. Then I thought - wait, didn't this used to be the norm?! Ah well. I'm just now settling into my new routines (yes, apparently it takes about a year for me to do so) and actually learning to just breathe, relax and enjoy being single and not having to take care of or worry about anyone beyond my kids. It's selfish, sure, but nice all the same.
  • My place. So, I rent now. Which I haven't done in years and have a hard time with. I want to change this and that, and it's not mine, so there's no point. I don't even know if I'll renew yet in May given the state of the repairs here. But I love the floorplan and even more so, the neighborhood. The kids and I feel safe, supported, and it's definitely a great community with kids running from door to door. I never fancied myself as a neighborhood type, but at this point in my life, it's perfect. I finally got through all the boxes, divided up all the remaining things that needed to be divided, organized and got rid of carloads of 'stuff' that had accumulated through the years. It feels good to be back to the basics, restarting life and rediscovering the things I'd been skimping on so long. I even started a new canvas over the girls winter break. When I'll find time to finish... who knows, but I'm at peace and content for the first time in many years.
So, that's our life in a nutshell. We keep on skipping down the winding path of life, never quite sure what's around the next bend, but we're definitely enjoying the scenery much more these days. Last year was a tough year - probably the hardest of my life. So much pain, change, loss and grief. But 2011 looks promising and full of hope. I finally am starting to see myself again when I look in the mirror, the girls seem to be fitting into their new lives a little more comfortably and we're going to be OK. Scratch that. We're going to thrive this year. Here's to 2011, and to you, my friends. May it be the best year of your lfie thus far!