Friday and Saturday - Hanging in there

Sadie's made great progress in the last two days - she's off NO (which was a requirement for her to have surgery) and has come down off of the paralytic (I think it was called vasopril... not sure. Started with a V.). She was supposed to start twitching and moving today, but we haven't seen any movement yet. She has 48 hours though, before we begin to worry that something else may be wrong.

It's hit me in the last couple of days how very serious this all is. I just had a dr come by making his rounds and all he did was emphasize how involved and intensive this surgery will be. They are all trying to prepare us for the long days ahead, during and following her surgery. As of now, they expect her to go in for surgery on Wednesday, but there are a few other kids lined up that day, so we'll have to wait and see.

We've had the best nursing staff that anyone could ask for here. They have not only attended to Sadie, but they've helped Jason and I immensely as we work through the emotions, highs and lows we've seen the last few days. We had one nurse, Esther, with us the last three days, and she's been so great with knowing what Sadie needs and when. Sadie had her vitals drop low today, and Esther was at lunch - it took an hour and a half to get them back to a decent level. She's off the rest of the week, as is Karen (our other favorite), so I hope we can find experienced nurses we trust at the same level.

The hardest part of the last day or two has been being without Katie. I feel like we're being torn apart by all of this, but I'm helpless to do anything about it. Our families have been so great about helping out with her - mom & dad had her a few days, she's been with my sister-in-law and her cousin all weekend, my sister will watch her tomorrow... but it's still so stressful for her. Jason and I were talking today about how we think it's probably harder on her than anyone - one day we're all fine, talking about the new baby coming, making plans... the next day mommy and daddy are gone, she's being shuttled around, and the new baby is sick and she can't even really touch her. I miss her so much right now I can't even explain.

The realities of the outside world have started to hit home, too. Like Friday, when I realized we hadn't even begun to contact our insurance company. I have no idea how I'll handle the business over the coming months. I'm so thankful for Becky (my new employee) - she's running with everything so well... but she's only been there three weeks and I'm worried to death the stress will drive her away. What a way to start a new job. Jason's work has been horrible - they won't let him use his sick leave, he doesn't qualify for FMLA since he hasn't been there long enough, and his boss is an absolute jerk (I'm censoring what I'd really like to call him). His boss had the nerve to call him at 8:30 am the morning after we had Katie (she arrived at 10:30 the night before) to ask him where files were and when he'd be back. The guy has no heart - I think he was spawned on another planet.

As you can probably tell by the tone of all this, I'm wearing down. I'm super happy that Sadie is doing so well, but I see the road ahead and I'm, frankly, scared. I can't wait to get the surgery over with. I can't wait to be able to hold her in my arms. Please continue to keep her (and all of us) in your thoughts and prayers... we need it right now!