Good News Round 1

So, time to spill some of the beans - Saturday the girls and I are moving! I found a cute little house in a subdivision literally crawling with children. The girls are excited, and the boxes are piling up.

Add to that that I just returned from a fantastic trip. I don't usually say that about my work travels, but this one was lots of fun. I enjoyed visiting with my clients (many of whom I've known for years), had some down time to check out local sites (well, it was Minneapolis, so there wasn't TOO much to check out, but I did tool around Mall of America today), hours of conversation with an old college friend who happened to be in town and ended it all by having a "me" day to kick back and really relax for the first time in quite a while. I got on the plane to come home feeling eager to begin the next chapter in this crazy book of life.

I have much more good news, but don't want to jinx it, so will fill it in as we go. Hooray for new beginnings!

Imaginary Friends and Piggy Poo

Sadie has been home all week with the dreaded piggy poo... feverish, some congestion, but otherwise content to sit beside me, cuddled up watching movies while I work away on the laptop. She does, however, get 10 minute bursts of energy, and in these periods I've observed something new. The emergence of the Imaginary Friend (IF).

I do not know the friend's name yet. But this new friend is very, very funny. It often leaves her in tears from laughter, and wants to play baby at least a dozen times a day. IF is apparently part dog/part human as it loves to "tuddle" and seems to be quite small. It is also very complimentary, because Sadie keeps telling it "thank you" and "you are a very nice friend."

Katie never had an imaginary friend, so this is all new to me. It's hilarious to observe, and gives a bigger peek into Sadie's psyche and personality. And she keeps me in stitches. Right now IF and she are having a jumping contest. Next they're taking a bath and will be SuperDog and BatDog.

The Montessorian in me kind of cringes, but the artist in me applauds this new development. I see no harm in the behavior for now - it's simply a buddy to play with, which, frankly, is a welcome diversion at the moment.

Kid News

Because you care...

Sadie's officially potty trained - hooray! She's made it two days with only accidents while sleeping (actually, no accidents today). It only took about two months of potty requests every 30 minutes or so. Piece of cake (ha!).

Sadie's latest bed time routine is to force Jason or I to lie in bed with her and "tuddle". She gives kisses and hugs, pecks on the nose, strokes our hair and sometimes sings "Tinkle Tinkle Wittle Star" or "Some-whayw Ober da Rainbow". Then she turns over and says "I'm done sleeping with you," which is your clue to get out of the toddler bed you just folded yourself into and leave.

Soccer's back in season! Katie's on a team with two of her favorite friends this year - both boys. Already she's playing better than last year, and loving her team. Last year our team had a whiner or two, which quickly became a cancer in the group - all the kids whined and cried throughout the season. Day one of practice, and they were rockin' and rolling this year. We switched over to Dynamo from Richmond Strikers, and love the organization and direction they offer. Big change - for the better.

Katie has apparently inherited my entrepreneur gene. She's started a club for kids her age, which she designed herself. She wants it to "be fun at first, then maybe someday she'll have lots of them and make money like you[I] do." Poor thing - if only she knew how little I made from my endeavors she'd run screaming the other way.

Snow Much Fun!

Look Mommy - SNOW!

Yipee!!!!

Our backyard the next morning - we woke up to 9" of snow.
Carly Sparkles Crystal loved jumping through the drifts.

Don't let the smile fool you. Sadie loved the deep snow for about 10 seconds. Then she erupted in nonstop screams all day - the snow was so deep that it came almost to her waist. Every time she fell she couldn't get back up. She was like a turtle turned over on its shell - except much, much louder.

Time for some sledding fun!

Katie the snowgirl.

Why one should not use blowpops for a short snowman's eyes.

Our Snowman 09 - go Hokies!!

Over the past three days we've sledded, had snow ball fights, drank at least a gallon of hot cocoa and built the best snow woman (Katie insisted) ever. I'm exhausted, but in that warm, fuzzy good way that comes from too much outdoor fun!

Hooray for Second Opinions!

Today was specialist day - first the cardiologist for Sadie, followed immediately by ENT/plastic surgery for Katie. For the first time in a long time I can say that both went fantastically!

After a lot of deliberation (2 1/2 years worth, to be exact) I finally took the plunge in switching cardiologists. I had a certain amount of sentimental attachment to our previous pediatric cardiologist simply because of the road we had gone down together. That said, he often was abrupt, failed to provide the full picture and belittled my questions. He's a great doctor, but just not the right fit for us. So, we moved on to Dr. Allen with the MCV group today. What a big difference!

Dr. Allen spent time reviewing Sadie's case, clarifying some muddy areas for us and talking about her recent blue spells. It turns out it's fairly normal, and a benign condition. She's just one of those kids that do this - not because of her heart issue. Her heart, he declared, is beautiful - a prime example of one of the best switch operations he's seen. Her anatomy was such that it made the switch an "easy" (if there is such thing!) operation, and he thought Dr. Peeler, her surgeon, had done an outstanding job. All good news! I was shocked with the amount of time he spent with us in reviewing her history and today's echo. Kristen, you're right, LOVE him! Thanks to all my heart friends who recommended the switch. I felt a bit like a "cheater," but after today's experience know I made the right decision. The sum up for the visit? Sadie's heart healthy and raring to go!

After dropping off Sadie at Three Oaks and picking up Katie from her school, we headed over to the ENT office for a second look at the bump on her face. I hadn't been satisfied with the "we think it's this" answer I got previously, and was not at ALL satisfied with "anyone can perform the surgery." I love the doctor who told us these things, but couldn't rest easy with either answer. So, we asked one of his colleagues who is an ENT and Plastic Surgeon (Dr. Burke) to take a look and possibly perform the surgery. One look, and the charming (did I mention British accent?!) Dr. Burke felt it is not pilomatrixoma. Based on the lab pathology, texture and appearance, he thinks it may be an infection of the lymph nodes caused, possibly, by MAC (which is neither a virus or bacterial infection). We're going to take the less invasive approach of doing up to four weeks of a different antibiotic to see what happens. He was hesitant to perform surgery on the location due to it's proximity (or possible location of) the salivatory glands and lymph nodes.

Slowly I'm becoming a more educated advocate for my kids. I'm realizing I don't have to run home and look up words that weren't explained (I can ask), and that I don't have to trust the first opinion I get. It was harder to get to that point than I realized - I think, though I like to believe otherwise, that I have a really tough time with change. I didn't want to hurt either physician's feelings or imply that they were wrong - yet if I hadn't taken that leap we'd be in surgery on Monday and I'd be worried to death with Sadie's every sign of cyanosis. Progress, baby. Progress!

She's a Dancing Machine

After a week of fighting a mutant virus and a not-so-fun biopsy today, Katie was granted the privilege to do anything she wanted tonight. I braced myself for shoe shopping, a horrid children's movie or dinner at the dreaded CiCi's, but her request surprised me. An at-home dance party followed by ice cream sundaes. This, I could happily provide.

But, as the evening wore on, I wore down. It was a long day, week, month. I just didn't feel like dancing. I knew I had to follow through though, so after dinner we went about our preparations - moving all the furniture out of the way to make room for our disco arena. The music came on. Sadie broke out some smooth new moves she's acquired of late. Katie astonished me with knowing a large portion of "867-5309" (really, she barely knows her own phone number!). And I found myself in stitches, working the grocery cart, getting jiggy with the cabbage patch and doing some ad hoc instruction on grapevine basics (hilarious with a two-year old).

It didn't take long to wear everyone out. The girls created their own sundaes, complete with everything from Magic Shell to whipped cream and sprinkles. Then we all collapsed and watched some Tom and Jerry reruns, getting in a few tickle fights and some cuddling before bed.

Really, does life get any better than this?

And so, my first real resolution of the new year... - Dance, Dance, Dance!

Love, Love, Love

Sadie has become the meanest little bugger to her sister. She kicks her, pulls her hair and pesters her endlessly. Katie will be sitting, playing quietly, and Sadie will come up and yank her hair, just to see the reaction. We've tried everything to stop it, but it just wouldn't end today. Katie was crying every 10 minutes for another hit, pinch or hair pull. It doesn't help that both girls are still feeling ill and housebound.

At one point Sadie yanked a chunk of hair out, sending Katie into a (very loud) spasm of cries. Jason had enough and went in and pulled Sadie's hair so she'd know how it felt. Sadie erupted in cries - both girls at the top of their lungs. Five minutes later it calmed down, only for Sadie to do it again. I decided to try another tactic.

I told Katie to fight back. If Sadie pulled her hair again (the pain infliction of that moment), she was to pull back - HARD. If she hit, hit back. Bit, bite back. I told her it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but that we needed to teach Sadie that a) it hurts and b) there are consequences (since making her sister cry seems to be more of a benefit then a consequence to Sadie).

Sure enough, a few minutes later they're playing quietly in their room. I hear Katie yowl in pain again and rush to the stairs to listen to what's happening. Katie pulls back, HARD. Sadie cried. I waited. Katie came to the top of the stairs.

"Mommy, I never want to do that again. I don't like to hurt Sadie." Awwwww.

I wish I say my tactic stopped it. It didn't. Sadie started scratching again. Now Katie's got hang ups because she didn't want to hurt her sister and feels bad about it. And the yowling continues...

Trying to Keep My Head Above Water

It's been a busy week or two since I've last had time to post. Preschool has officially started, and we have our first students. We took one student on that we were unable to keep, which is upsetting for me. But, I learned an important lesson on how Montessori is not for everyone. It was a long day on Friday, as we worked to figure out the best solution, which in the end resulted in our not taking on the little one. I've been upset about it all weekend, even though I know we did the right thing.

The girls are doing great! Katie got her first report card, with all perfect scores on her progress. She's gotten comfortable in her classroom, as her teacher informs me she's become quite the chatterbox. I'm glad she doesn't save it all for at home. It's amazing how much - and how long - a six year old can talk. I try to pay attention, but often feel my eyes glazing over about 5 minutes into her rendition of her entire day. Wow. She doesn't leave out a detail. I think that, instead of Guatanimo, they should tape shut the prisoner's mouth and stick them in a room with a rotation of six year old girls, each fresh from a day at school. Talk about torture. But I love that she's so open with me, so I shouldn't complain. Much.

Sadie has taken to preschool better than I thought she would. She has a tough time sharing mommy when I'm in the classroom, and has been remanded a few times for wanting to push others away when they come to close to me. She's enjoying her introductory lessons, though, and I'm amazed that a little spitfire like her will take her time to so delicately unroll her mat, place her materials on it just so, work quietly, and then put her mat away. Amazing stuff, this Montessori method. She is fiercely independent as always... we're past the biting phase, and now into a hitting one. Good times keep on rolling!

Preschool is hilarious, and has left me considering wanting to do another blog, anonymously. Seriously, the things these kids say and do are incredible - from potty jokes to play-do up the nose, it's been a nonstop barrel of laughs.

I'm still managing my two full-time clients and doing the work for my other business as well, so I barely have a moment to blink, let alone write these days. I'm zapped of energy, yet feeling enthusiastically hopeful about this school thing. I do enjoy it more than I imagined I would, and can't wait to see how we grow.

GOOD Morning!

I awoke at 5:00 this morning to the girls fighting. I rolled out of bed, covered in sweat (I'm still recovering from bronchitis, which hit late last week). Came downstairs to discover Darla had eaten off half of the fur on her tail, leaving a nasty patch of red skin showing. The girls had destroyed what little I'd kept up over the weekend. And Sadie was hot. Great. She'd been sick early last week, got better within 24 hours, but then had been fighting something since Friday, so I sat her down, got her some food and drink and turned on the TV. Then I noticed Katie was hot too. Looks like there will be no school today.

I got both situated in front of the television and sat down to survey the damage. I discovered Carly had broken one of her nails, in HALF. It was dangling and bloody. Oh joy.

Katie got on my computer to check in on Webkinz, but quickly closed it and looked at me. Uh oh. Pale face, dark sunken eyes. Checked her fever 102. Checked Sadie's - 101. And mine? A mere 99.8 today.

So, I'm trying to decide now who should go to the doctor and who shouldn't. So far, since 5:00 a.m. I've changed two beds, bathed one child and one dog, tried to perform minor surgery on the other dog (unsuccessful), and started the sterilization process, which includes thus far two loads of laundry, a load of dishes, Lysol mass attack and vacuuming. Any one care to join in on my fun?

The only person I know who's having less fun than me today is Amanda, who's headed back to the clinker for more chemo. Please send positive mojo/energy/prayers her way - that they find the right cocktail to get her into remission this time around, minus the massive mouth sores. Hang in there, 'Manda!

Slacker McSlackity

I won't lie... I haven't felt like writing. So I haven't been. Life's taken some unexpected turns that have left me reeling a bit, but I'll be back in the game soon. In the mean time, I'll post some photos.

Sweatsuits - $15.
Reindeer headbands to be cut up and reused as cat and mouse ears - $ 2.
Staying up until 3 am making homemade Tom and Jerry costumes the night before the Halloween party - 5 hours of lost sleep.
Photos of your kids willingly wearing the most ridiculous costumes ever - Priceless.



Straw maze! A local farmer's market puts it up every year, and we have to go through it several times before the season is over.


There's no more chances of getting Sadie in an unposed shot. Every time I pull out the camera, she stops what she's doing (in this case, smashing pumpkin guts with the stem) to shout "Cheeez!"


Katie carved her pumpkin completely on her own! She held her mouth that way as she did it the entire time, too.



Crazy Hair Day at school on Halloween.
She loved it. Really she did.
Meanwhile, I hummed "Jem, she's truly outrageous..." all day long.

Sadie's ears weighed more than she did, and they kept flopping over with every breeze of wind. And we all couldn't stop laughing. Guess we'll go back to buying costumes next year - although the homemade ones will be good blackmail pictures later in life...

Hope you had a Happy Halloween, too!

Don't forget to VOTE on Tuesday!!!

Random Stuff falling from my Brain onto the Computer Screen

Warning - there is no cohesion to this entry whatsoever. This is what happens when one is overworked, sleep deprived and exhausted to top it off.

So, what did you think of the final presidential debate? All in all I thought McCain looked like the guy I actually would have voted for last election cycle. I was happy to see him back at his best. And tonight reconfirmed how much fun it is to be an independent. Although I had pretty much made up my mind months ago, I am able to see pros and cons of each candidate. At the end of the debate, I've finally made up my mind for sure ,though I'd been leaning that way quite a while. I'm going with the guy that I can see making educated, sound decisions that consider the population at large, that I believe will be the best leader both abroad and at home. Guess who that is? There, I did it. I spilled my political beans. I'm voting Obama.
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The school is finally open. Ms. Amy, our school teacher, is awesome - Sadie has thoroughly enjoyed her first two days of "skooooohl." She's learning (though she doesn't know it) about spacial relationships, simple math skills and language. Plus she's doing fun crafts and such. She's taking some nice naps, eating like a little piggy and generally a happy camper. She just needed a constant availability of new things to see and do, apparently, to forgo the tantrums. She does miss her Grandma, though!

So yeah, the school is done. A few pickity pics are included for your viewing pleasure. Pretty, no?! Sadie's favorite area thus far seems to be practical life and botany/animal science/geography. Katie's loving math and language, and has been having fun doing phonetic excercises with the movable alphabet. I need to get out and get more photos of the sensorial area and practical life - tres cool!


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Though I seem to be the only human truly affected, my fluffy feline best friend has gone missing. It's been over a week and two trips to the pound, but still no Buster. The people at the pound told me yesterday that there's been a rash of rabid racoons in our area, which has me fearing the worst. Especially since the day before he disappeared I noted racoon prints on my car hood. I miss his furry highness knocking me over in the mornings as he begged for breakfast, purring his loud, uneven purr and licking my toes with his sandpaper tounge. Well, I don't miss the toe licking, but I'd take it every day for hours on end if he'd just come home. There I go getting all teary about it again. I miss my kitty!!! He is (I refuse to think he's otherwise) the best cat ever. Ask anyone who's met him.

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Check out Sadie's latest trick:



Endless dinner time fun. That's "burp" in case you didn't figure it out. A mother couldn't be more proud.

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And, to conclude this random mess of a blog entry, some long overdue pics of pretties!

Oh, yeah... it's always been this way!

My good friend Jen, out of sunny CA, called today to commiserate with my recent experiences with the children. Seems that she can relate as her daughter recently stuck a wooden QTip in her toddler brother's ear (far enough to land them in urgent care), as well as gave their kitty's whiskers a very short trim. All in one day. Thank God I'm not alone in all of this.

Jen also reminded me that this Katie-mess-making stuff is not so new, as evidenced from an old email she forwarded to me today. To think this was written almost EXACTLY three years ago to the date (sigh)...

Recipe for Disaster:

1 container Vaseline
1 bottle Baby Powder
A few dashes of Baby Oil
1 Extra Large bottle of Baby Lotion
A two-and-a-half-year old

Place all ingredients in a room unsupervised for 15 minutes. Be sure that it is very quiet in the room before entering it, otherwise the recipe is not working correctly.

Enter room to find mixture of the ingredients throughout the room, rubbed evenly in the carpet, on the walls, curtains, back of a rocking chair and evenly distributed throughout the toddler's hair. IMPORTANT: You will want to clean, but this mixture is impenetrable. Let dry a few hours until carpet changes to a dingy color.

After carpet is adequately ruined, walls are stained and the toddler's hair has been washed using shampoo, baking soda and other home remedies, you should have a disaster well on its way. Now dry the toddler's hair, put cornstarch in it to bring out the Vaseline, and you should have a complete disaster, such as the one pictured here.

We recently tried this recipe for Complete Disaster in our home just after placing our house on the market and it worked wonderfully. We also found that similar results can be achieved by substituted lipstick and eyeshadow for baby powder and Vaseline, which we tried on our Open House day. Enjoy!

Not much has changed since the last use of the recip... but I will let you know that you can exponentially increase the quantity of COMPLETE DISASTER if you add another child to the recipe.

Not what I had planned...

I awoke this morning, once again, to chaos and disaster. This time the girls had taken the newly purchased DragonBerry Shampoo and Blueberry Burst Body Wash and lathered everything from waist-height down on the lower level of our house into bubbles (or at least applied a slimy film which would later be "bubbled"). Seriously, what did I do in my past life to deserve this retribution?!

Every baby doll, both dogs, the coffee table, all the Disney plasticine toys, the Shliech animals, the bathroom sink, floor and both girls' lower extremeties were covered in the sticky goo. "But Mommy," Katie told me as I repressed a scream of rage as I realized the magnitude of the latest morning disaster, "We didn't go outside. And now the house smells good." I rinsed and washed, producing even more bubbles (much to their delight) and still found a spot on the carpet that is deeply stained with shampoo. I ran the steam vac over it this afternoon only to... you guessed it... produce more bubbles.

I threatened Katie with an eternity of time out if she makes one SINGLE other mess before I can hit the bottom of the stairs in the morning. Double eternity if she lets Sadie out of her crib. Her reply? Sadie can get out on her own now. Oh crap.

I never got a chance to memorialize George Carlin, one of my all-time favorite comedians who passed away last week. I did so this morning by muttering, thinking or screaming into a pillow six of the seven dirtiest words from his old 70's routine. The 7th word just didn't apply, or I would have used that one, too.

To make it all even better, I'm having some hellacious withdrawals from a medication I started a couple of months ago. When I had Katie, I began to suffer from anxiety attacks (though I didn't know that is what they were at the time). I did some medications back then for a few months, got my head screwed on straight again, and weaned off of them. I'd been able to control them since (now knowing what they were and how they came on) on my own, but in March they began to rear their ugly head once again. I wonder why? That was about the time the girls started their early morning escapades. So, I went to my primary care "nurse" (do doctors still exist?) and asked for something to help me along for a while. She gave me Cymbalta.

Two drugged-out weeks later I started having weird symptoms. Increased anxiety (but no panic attacks) and newly onset depression that I'd never before experienced. Insomnia. Cold sweats. Hot flashes. Irritability (yes, I can be worse!). Constipation like a... well, like it was not good. Then last week in New Orleans it doubled, and I added the shakes to the list. Enough was enough, so I quit. Cold turkey. I had only been on it for about 50 days, so figured I'd do every other day for a week and stop.

Now I have more fun symptoms. Night terrors (which I've never had before). Aching all over. Sharp pains in my legs and feet. Blurry vision. Extreme fatigue. Chills. What the heck?! I looked it all up online tonight and found out that these are all fairly common withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta. I should have known, given my (and my kids') history with meds. I'm about to go the Tom Cruise route and get all psycho about pharmaceuticals. Tomorrow I get to visit with the lovely nurse who suggested this route toward wellness. I can't wait. She has no idea what she's in for. If I'm in a padded room by the end of the day, please promise to visit and wear a sunny yellow color to cheer me up.

So yeah. After being home for two nights full of night terrors, bathroom visits and incessant sweating, I'm awoken to what looks like a slime attack from a Ghostbusters flick. The devil mommy on one shoulder was oh so close to convincing me to spank them both and send them to bed, as advised in nursery rhymes and by most parents with more than 5 children. But angel-Montessori-loving mommy on the other side balanced her out and the girls ended up with a stern admonishment, a few timeouts throughout the day as required and the threat of eternal timeout and no-playdates-ever-again for Katie should she ever decide to do this again.

Please, please, let the threats work. I need a morning off!!!

Kicking Off the Summer

Summer has barely started, but we've been busy.

Katie's preschool days are officially over, and she graduated near the end of May. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm a bit sad... she just seems to be growing up too quickly. Since graduation she's also finished up a season of soccer (and received her first-ever trophy, which she is SOOO proud of), had a ballet recital, stayed a week with her cousins and grandparents, went to a local amusement park with a friend and has still found lots of time to climb the walls and tell me how bored she is. This is week 3 of summer. Here's a few photo updates of our fun...

The Dora-The-Hooker Dress. Here it is. The most hideous children's apparel ever conceived. Notice the black and white polka-dots. Purple, lime green and orange stripes on the skirt, completed with pink tights and ballet slippers. And, you can't see it well here, but there's a round disk pinned to her head that matches. For this costume, we paid $60. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

At both her rehearsal and recital I held back tears derived from laughter. The little ones were just so cute, it was almost unbearable. Of course Katie's class had the ugliest dresses ever imagined. The other prima ballerinas had gorgeous, poofy dresses that reminded one of sugarplums, flowers, and childhood dreams of fairy land.

Katie's reminded me of women that I've seen working the streets in Tijiuana.



Dressing Herself. Sadie's all about doing everything herself these days. She picks out her own clothes most days and screams the others when I insist she wear something that is presentable outside of the house.

Here we see her wearing her very FAVORITE thing in the world - the Gap Rainbow Jacket. The Gap Rainbow Jacket is worn even on 100 degree days with humitures over 110. I don't fight it. I figure she'll take it off if she gets hot enough.

Her other favorites are also in use in this photo. Notice the poofy, flowery skirt. It has matching knickers that she loves to show anyone who wants to see them. And the black, shiny shoes with rhinestones. This girl loves the bling.

She is very particular about her clothing, and once she chooses a favorite, I have to be sure to wash it at least twice weekly... she won't go anywhere without it.


Popsicles and the Pool. Jason's only request for Father's Day was that we spent the day together relaxing. We had planned a trip to the amusement park, but skipped out when it got too hot outside. Instead, our entire family enjoyed a great day outside. The girls lounged in the pool, sucking on popsicles, until they decided to get rowdy and drench mommy and daddy with the water that is now no longer in the pool. It was a nice relaxing day - one we rarely share together, with all four of us just enjoying the outdoors and each other's company. I hope for many more days like this this summer!

Worst. Morning. Ever.

I awoke to the sound of a cat mewing this morning. Strange, I thought to myself in my semi-conscious state... our cat Buster doesn't meow. He makes a gutteral "growww" sound. But this was definitely a meow. Hmmm.

I opened my bedroom door to find a strange cat sitting there. Interesting. How did he/she get into my house?

I stumbled in to brush my teeth and put on some eyes (glasses or contacts) so that I could get a better look at our feline visitor. As I put in my first contact, I thought 'maybe he came in last night with Jason, who didn't notice.' As I put in the next contact I realized it was quiet downstairs... too quiet. Especially for 7 a.m. I raced down the stairs.

As I came to the bottom of the flight, I heard a bump and a scream. Katie and Sadie were by our kitchen door, wearing jackets and their pajamas. Katie was yelling at Carlie that she was a bad dog for knocking over Sadie. Sadie was howling.

I went over to pick up Sadie and to scold Katie - first for getting her sister out of her crib (a no-no) and second for taking her outdoors without permission while mommy and daddy slept (a not-previously explained no-no, but a common sense no-no). While lecturing Katie, I noticed a smell. And that Sadie's butt was soaked. And that the smell was overpowering, and worse by the second. I pulled out the full trash bag from our kitchen can, ready to stick the soon-to-be discarded diaper in it and took Sadie to the changing table. She was covered in poo - not solid, not cute, but the nasty, sticky, diarrhea type of stuff. Those who are eating while reading this may want to stop now.

As I mopped up Sadie and gagged profusely, I failed to hear the rustling coming from the kitchen area. I'd also forgotten about the strange cat in our home. I was intent on hazmat removal of toxic substances. I finished with the diaper duty to discover that underneath it all, Sadie had the worst diaper rash. Ever. She howled as I tried to wipe her, and screamed when I put Desitin on. Great.

I wrapped up the diaper in the first of many bags to dispose of and took it to the kitchen. Only to discover that the dogs had pulled out aforementioned trashbag and had strewn the contents all across my carpet in the living room. Yes, that carpet that I'd spent two hours the night before steam cleaning. That's the one.

As I picked up trash, I discovered another surprise. A mostly-melted popsicle (bright red and purple) sitting on our entertainment center, dripping steadily on... you guessed it... the freshly cleaned carpet. Oh joyous day.

I knew Sadie wasn't feeling great, but decided it was still a great day to go to Grandma's for some babysitting. So I struggled to get everyone in the car, to my mom's and back. Coming back, I opened the door only to be almost bowled over by one freaked- out cat that did not belong to me. He shot out that door like lightening - no doubt due to the smell emanating from our no-longer-fresh-scented home. I broke out the Lysol, stripped Sadie's room, re-steam-cleaned, lit every candle I owned and, for good measure, brewed some coffee to help offset the overwhelming aromas floating about our home. My employee later went in to use the restroom, and noted how fresh it smelled in our home. Hah.

I need to install some new locks. At first I thought about keyed locks that have the keyhole on both sides. Then I realized that that would be a serious fire hazard. So then I thought a chain lock would do it, then I realized that Katie would just stand on a chair and open it. And if Katie does that now, who knows what her rebel-rouser sister will do in a year or two.

I asked Katie tonight when I put her to bed how long they'd played outside this morning. (I'd asked her the same thing this morning during the "lecture" and she said just a few minutes). She informed me that it wasn't that long... they had waited for the sun to come up first.

I told a few people this story today, and I got the usual, "You'll miss these days when they get older." Actually, no I won't. I may miss the age, or the giggles, cuddles and laughs, but I will NOT miss the diarrhea-filled, strange-cat laden, floor-ruining, heart-stopping days like this. Not. At. All.

To SAHM or Not to SAHM

That is the question. When I became pregnant with Katie, I was working at a hospice in the Roanoke Valley. I commuted, on average, 45 minutes each way, so was gone from home approximately 11 hours a day. I knew that once Katie came, I did not want to be gone those long hours from my little one. Yet I knew I needed income. And I needed mental stimulation. Thankfully, the perfect solution came along, I landed a client, started a business and was up and running two months after giving birth to Katie with my ongoing career in nonprofit management. I had a good setup - I worked from home, could flex my hours anyway I chose (within reason) to coordinate with her schedule, had college kids watch her and went to school full time. I even bartended on the side for a few months to make ends meet.

When we relocated, I took the business with me. I was determined to add another full-time client so that I could add the support staff I needed. I enrolled Katie in preschool part-time, which gave me just enough time to work in the morning, plus an hour or two while she slept in the afternoon and a few late-night hours. My day was work and childcare, and I didn't know many people in our area, so began to feel very isolated and alone. I wondered if I'd made the right choice. That said, Katie was blossoming, and I'm thankful I stayed with the business. My client was doing well, which was also satisfying for me.

Two months before Sadie's impending arrival, I took on a new client. The client was in a lot of trouble, and I knew it would be a rough transitional period. I hoped to have the files in place, history reviewed, finances up to code and standards and the office in good order before I left. I hired an assistant, who caught on quickly and felt confident it would be OK. I may even be able to take a week or two off work with the baby came. Then all hell broke loose.

The week before Sadie's arrival, my new client was having some major issues. My older client was in the process of obtaining an international contract and revitalization. The timing of these major events couldn't be worse. Then Sadie arrived with unexpected complications. Luckily, I had her on Labor Day, so I was off work, as was Jason. She was diagnosed with her heart defect that night, and the following day I was at UVA with her, miles from home. Unfortunately, she was a week early, and I had a major meeting that day. So I conducted it while standing outside of the hospital. I worked that night once her stats stabilized. I worked almost every day in that hospital.

When we got home, I continued to work, through the sleepless nights of withdrawal, through the days of ceaseless crying. I had thought she'd nap twice a day or so, so that I could use the downtime to work, and then work in the evenings when the kids went to bed. We all know how that turned out. I began to think that working from home was a terrible choice. Months went by, without a break until almost one year after I had her, when I took a week off and only checked email once a day. As a small business owner, and executive director of one international and one national group, there's no such thing as unplugging.

Now I find myself in a dilemma. I'm not looking for outside work - I enjoy being able to spend some time with the kids, but also work. The problem is I have little to no time outside of work and children. I'm suffocating in the confines of our home. And, I feel like I have less quality time with the children than ever. My time with them during the days is spent driving, eating, running errands. We rarely have the opportunity to sit and play until the evening. I feel like a bad mom, and guilty that I can't spend more time with them. At the same time, I feel like a failure as a business professional because I'm hitting a major burnout and am ready for change. I'd love to take a year or so off and just be a stay at home mom (SAHM), but I can't... the series of financial misfortunes we've suffered since Sadie's arrival have taken their toll on our budget flexibility.

So, I've kind of been watching for something outside the home. Not really actively looking, just watching. I don't want to give up things like taking Katie to her first day of school, afternoon gossip about what happened on the playground, random tickle fights with Sadie when I run in from the office to use the restroom during the day. But at the same time I feel like a shadow of myself, a flower that doesn't get enough sun, one of those kind of analogies. I miss the adult world, the mental stimulation of face-to-face interaction with colleagues on a daily basis. We do play dates from time to time, but I find that I have less and less time for them as the demands of my job seem to increase monthly. In a nutshell, I'm at a breaking point.

Today I came across MY job. That dream job I've been thinking of for months now. The new direction I want to take my career in. And it's only minutes from my home. I'm considering applying, but I'm torn... could I still be there for my kids as much as I am now? Would it be more or less time with them? More importantly, would the time we spend together have more or less quality to it? Do I want to really change my life this drastically? Then there's the company the job is with... there are some ethical issues they have, yet this job would be, in part, rectifying some of the problems (it's a corporate social responsibility position). What to do? What to do?

This post is way too long... I'm just wondering from my online friends out there, what do you think? I guess I can always apply... there's a good possibility I might not even get a call back on it. But if I did, would I want it? Could I be a good mom when working outside the home? I know many moms do it, but could I? Would the kids suffer? I just don't know... but I do know it's time to start looking for a change in my life. I'm wilting and my roots are dry.

Recently heard...

Katie's at that age where her reasoning, expanding vocabulary and innocent insight combine in a lethal combination of comedic quips. Here are a few heard just this past week:

Katie asked me earlier this week why girls just have the "short thingies" instead of penises, like boys have. I told her because that's how we're made. She replied that it would be so much easier if we had them, so that we could pee on trees like boys do. She then asked if boys have the "third hole." No, I tell her, boys don't have a vagina. Later I hear her telling Sadie "You have a 'banina' like me because you're a girl. You don't have a penis." Ah, great. Can't wait till my 20 month old starts running through the house talking about penises.

She loves to personalize Old MacDonald with family in it. For Jason, it's "with a poot, poot here," with me it's "and drama, drama there" and Sadie is "everywhere a scream, scream." Tells you quite a bit about our daily lives.

Katie: You know Carlee has a boyfriend now?
Me: No, really? Who is it?
Katie: It's Jacob.
Me: Oh wow, that's big news!
Katie: Yeah, but she's already tired of going with him. She's breaking up with him tomorrow, but she's too scared, so I'm going to do it for her.
Me: How will you do that?
Katie: Duh, I'll chase him when we're playing wolves, catch him and tell him it's over with him and Carlee and that he needs to move on.
Me: Sounds like a good plan. But try to be nice about it Katie. He may have his feelings hurt.
Katie: No, Mom, he's used to it. All his girlfriends break up with him that way.

Tonight, while playing animals I said something to amuse her. A few minutes later she told me that her brain was still laughing inside her head.

Goooooooooal!!!

Excuse my indulgence in a bit of a brag on my kid, but I have to do it - Katie scored her first goal today! She was so excited that she literally bounced back to mid-field for kickoff.

Her team practices every Saturday for 15 minutes, then they play a game. That's it. No weekday practices, not much formal coaching. They play 3-on-3, so it's pretty personal out there, much like no-holds barred wrestling on a soccer field, pre-school style. The quarters are pretty predictable - the kids tend to run back and forth a dozen or so times, with 1-2 kids just kind of running in circles, another scratching places that shouldn't be scratched in public and maybe one picking his/her nose while running. There's occasional violence (the coach's son on our team is VERY good, but roughs up the others all the time in the process of getting the ball), a lot of drama (at least 3 good bouts of outright bawling I've seen thus far, including Katie's in her second game because she hadn't made a goal yet), and no shortage of over-enthusiastic coaches reliving their childhood. I never fail to get at least one good belly laugh that brings tears to my eyes while watching from the sidelines.

Katie is great at dribbling, but has been very shy and lacked confidence until today. After that goal, she was in there, on the ball, running her hardest and dribbled all the way across the field several times - she's actually really good! (This I was very unsure of until today). Obviously, this comes from her dad, since I never played a team sport growing up.

Yay, Katie!! I was so proud when you scored that I got tears in my eyes - and this time it wasn't from laughing, it was from pride. Guess it's time for this mommy to go out, buy the minivan and get the soccer magnet to make it official - I'm a proud soccer mom!

Back on the ground...

I had a whirlwind weekend complete with a very short trip to Chicago to volunteer with the Children's Heart Foundation on working on a national awareness campaign in collaboration with the newly formed National Congenital Heart Coalition. It was exciting to see so many people devoted to this silent epidemic come together, despite diverse agendas, and be able to set the initial stage to begin work on a national awareness campaign, as well as national advocacy efforts. I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work!

On the lighter side of things, the trip was as crazy as any of mine... 3 hour delay on Friday on the way out, landed to find snow on the ground and realized I hadn't brought a coat, stayed in a total roach hotel near the airport (avoid PriceLine!!), drove a Chevy Cobalt (not as bad as I thought it would be) and watched a medical emergency unravel on the plane on the way home when a gentleman went into a severe seizure. Unfortunately, he lost control of all bodily functions, which is quite ummm... gross when canned together for an hour. I can only imagine how embarrassed he must have been when he came to. Thankfully we had a cardiologist on flight (he had severe hypertension which led to the episode), and we didn't have to reroute. We were escorted in once we hit the runway by the police and he was met with 3 ambulances. The end result, however, was that the front of the plane cleared out after his episode, as the stench was overwhelming. This caused problems, however, so some were asked to go up front to balance out the plane. No one wanted to. So, seeing as I am frequently faced with poopy pants, vomit and other such lovely things, I went up there, wrapped my jacket around my face (which I bought while in Chicago) and hoped for the best, not knowing if it was contagious at that time. I was relieved to later find out it was not. Hope the guy feels better and it's nothing serious.

I also had a freak-out moment of my own when faced with the fact that Sadie is a "high risk" cardiac patient that will need follow up and, likely, further treatments as she grows. Realizing that there are not enough experienced people out there who know how to deal with CHDs was a real wake up call. I know, I know, I should realize this, but when faced with it written on paper, I felt my stomach plummet. It's easy for me to think that her case is much less severe than most as I have now found myself deeply entrenched in a large social network of children with heart defects much more severe than hers (so I thought at least), but the reality is that it is still extremely serious. I've always known this, but admitting it is an ENTIRELY different matter. I couldn't sleep a wink last night thinking about it all, and was ready to get home and forget about it. As I rocked Sadie to sleep before her nap, the emotion of it all totally overtook me... I am NOT a cryer, but months and months of bottled up stuff just came pouring out. I think I need a breather from all this this week to recoup. That being said, a friend's daughter is going in for cardiac cath this week, so I know it will never be far from my mind. Please send lots of positive energy and prayers to my friend Karen and her family, but especially to little Jameson, who is one of Sadie's heart friends.

So, that was the weekend's fun for me. I was greeted at the airport 30 minutes late by Jason with an overly excited Katie and extremely exhausted and (ah, the irony) thoroughly poopy panted Sadie. The ride home was complete with high pitched screaming, Katie's exhasperating attempts to shout over her sister and Jason's general grumpy, stressed out self. Ah, home again.

Post Pascha Prilosec Please

Ugh... pass some relief this way, please. The girls had a fantastic time this Easter, but this momma could crawl into bed and sleep for a year. Who the heck was it that decided plastic eggs and candy should be a part of this day's festivities? Clearly, not a parent.

The morning started with Katie awaking at 5:20 to follow a trail of glittery confetti and eggs that led her to the ultimate payout - Easter basket complete with a new Webkinz and Hannah Montana CD (yes, I am a glutton for punishment, thank you for noticing). She managed to keep things quiet for a little over an hour before waking her sister, who discovered her basket. Sadie proceeded to bite through Hershey kisses wrappers, and when Jason put the basket out of her reach, found a way to get to it, grab candy and then run like all heck to a quiet spot where she could imbibe. Around noon we headed to the Thies clan's homestead in NoVa, where five cousins hunted for 149 more eggs . The ride home was one that even Satan couldn't come close to imagining up as the ultimate punishment in the depths of his fiery kingdom. Two candy-cracked out kids, two irritable parents and an insane lack of sleep led to the best case of heartburn I've ever had. Screaming, kicking (some of it the kids' doing), loud music and a 5-year-old with diarrhea of the mouth, it was one of the longest 1.5 hours of my life. Finally, they are in bed.

Now to hide all the candy they got today, to be given out in small increments over the next, say, three years. I'm sure there's enough that if it were one piece a day we could do that, with a few pieces left over.

Onwards and upwards. I did manage to get out to the office for some quiet moments (now), and read a blog entry in one of the many I keep up with that I'd like to share from AuspicousJot...

To me - resurrection is about the slow invisible pulse of life that flows in our seasons and quickens in Spring.

Resurrection is when you think you can never love again; when your heart is so broken that you let it die instead of trying to heal. When there are years of cold in your heart. And then... and then... you meet someone and you feel it again. The early pangs, the budding, and the full aromatic blossoming of a heart bursting with love. Resurrection.

Resurrection is people who live in the dark and endless tunnels of depression who see a glimmer of light and have the courage and the stamina to start running for it. And the darkness is so much more than that little flicker of light, but they run and run and run.

Resurrection is a hope that more people will resist taking up arms and instead hold hands with strangers. Cities will be rebuilt. Wounds will heal. Peace will be learned and taught.

Resurrection is every person in recovery working the program, going to the meetings, being clean today. Resurrection is starting all over again tomorrow.

Resurrection is apologizing, forgiving, learning from your mistakes, not dwelling on the mistakes of others.

Resurrection is trust, hope, faith, and awe.

Resurrection is leaving a little bit of room in your life for the impossible to take root and become possible.

Resurrection.

Beautifully written. I needed a bit of food for the soul, and this left me with a warm and fuzzy feeling about a beautiful day, and its true meaning. Rock on with your chocolate bunnies, kiddies. Momma's back in the game.