Worst. Morning. Ever.

I awoke to the sound of a cat mewing this morning. Strange, I thought to myself in my semi-conscious state... our cat Buster doesn't meow. He makes a gutteral "growww" sound. But this was definitely a meow. Hmmm.

I opened my bedroom door to find a strange cat sitting there. Interesting. How did he/she get into my house?

I stumbled in to brush my teeth and put on some eyes (glasses or contacts) so that I could get a better look at our feline visitor. As I put in my first contact, I thought 'maybe he came in last night with Jason, who didn't notice.' As I put in the next contact I realized it was quiet downstairs... too quiet. Especially for 7 a.m. I raced down the stairs.

As I came to the bottom of the flight, I heard a bump and a scream. Katie and Sadie were by our kitchen door, wearing jackets and their pajamas. Katie was yelling at Carlie that she was a bad dog for knocking over Sadie. Sadie was howling.

I went over to pick up Sadie and to scold Katie - first for getting her sister out of her crib (a no-no) and second for taking her outdoors without permission while mommy and daddy slept (a not-previously explained no-no, but a common sense no-no). While lecturing Katie, I noticed a smell. And that Sadie's butt was soaked. And that the smell was overpowering, and worse by the second. I pulled out the full trash bag from our kitchen can, ready to stick the soon-to-be discarded diaper in it and took Sadie to the changing table. She was covered in poo - not solid, not cute, but the nasty, sticky, diarrhea type of stuff. Those who are eating while reading this may want to stop now.

As I mopped up Sadie and gagged profusely, I failed to hear the rustling coming from the kitchen area. I'd also forgotten about the strange cat in our home. I was intent on hazmat removal of toxic substances. I finished with the diaper duty to discover that underneath it all, Sadie had the worst diaper rash. Ever. She howled as I tried to wipe her, and screamed when I put Desitin on. Great.

I wrapped up the diaper in the first of many bags to dispose of and took it to the kitchen. Only to discover that the dogs had pulled out aforementioned trashbag and had strewn the contents all across my carpet in the living room. Yes, that carpet that I'd spent two hours the night before steam cleaning. That's the one.

As I picked up trash, I discovered another surprise. A mostly-melted popsicle (bright red and purple) sitting on our entertainment center, dripping steadily on... you guessed it... the freshly cleaned carpet. Oh joyous day.

I knew Sadie wasn't feeling great, but decided it was still a great day to go to Grandma's for some babysitting. So I struggled to get everyone in the car, to my mom's and back. Coming back, I opened the door only to be almost bowled over by one freaked- out cat that did not belong to me. He shot out that door like lightening - no doubt due to the smell emanating from our no-longer-fresh-scented home. I broke out the Lysol, stripped Sadie's room, re-steam-cleaned, lit every candle I owned and, for good measure, brewed some coffee to help offset the overwhelming aromas floating about our home. My employee later went in to use the restroom, and noted how fresh it smelled in our home. Hah.

I need to install some new locks. At first I thought about keyed locks that have the keyhole on both sides. Then I realized that that would be a serious fire hazard. So then I thought a chain lock would do it, then I realized that Katie would just stand on a chair and open it. And if Katie does that now, who knows what her rebel-rouser sister will do in a year or two.

I asked Katie tonight when I put her to bed how long they'd played outside this morning. (I'd asked her the same thing this morning during the "lecture" and she said just a few minutes). She informed me that it wasn't that long... they had waited for the sun to come up first.

I told a few people this story today, and I got the usual, "You'll miss these days when they get older." Actually, no I won't. I may miss the age, or the giggles, cuddles and laughs, but I will NOT miss the diarrhea-filled, strange-cat laden, floor-ruining, heart-stopping days like this. Not. At. All.