Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Sadie's ONE Today!!!

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since that frightening ride to the hospital. I vividly remember holding my legs together as tight as I could just praying the baby would not arrive in the front seat of the Expedition.

On that life-changing day we still had not decided upon a name for our soon-to-arrive daughter. As the contractions grew stronger that morning, I got more frantic about choosing a name. It turns out that Sadie and her great-grandmother chose her name in the end, in a way... when Sadie’s heart defect was announced, we knew that we had to name her after Nana, whose strength and fiestiness got her through 96 years. Not surprisingly, I find myself missing Nana a ton today, wishing she were here with us to celebrate, and to hold her namesake. There are so many days I look over at Sadie and see her getting into mischief, with a twinkle in her eyes that unmistakably is a gift from Nana.

Mischief, by the way, is Sadie’s specialty. Jason and I have taken to calling her “Trouble,” as she seems to find it wherever she turns. She’s into the cabinets, taking safety plugs out of the electrical sockets, pulling down floor lamps, biting wires, pulling up on the dog, pulling the cat's hair, eating any small objects she can sneak into her mouth (dog food being a favorite), raiding her sister’s bedroom, exploring the bathroom, pulling Katie's hair, crawling under chairs and tables and bumping her head and causing general mayhem wherever she goes. She makes me think of those old Looney Toons cartoons with the Tazmanian Devel, who levels everything he goes by. I forgot how much fun it is to have a 1 year old. I don’t remember Katie being quite so into everything. Or so tempermental. But hey, I can’t complain!

A year after Sadie’s whirlwind arrival, I’m amazed at the little girl I see today. So strong, healthy and normal. As such, today is a HUGE day to celebrate. In fact, in some ways it is a new chapter for our entire family.

On a personal level, I have worked hard not to think about or focus on what happened those first days of Sadie’s life, but last night I allowed myself to read my blog from back then, peruse the pictures and be reminded just how far our little girl has come. It has been hard for me to even think about it… I find myself compartmentalizing it all and pushing it back into the “history” section of the brain, dusted off only to remember the overall outcome. Perhaps its best to keep it that way, but for me, it feels like I’m only now coming to a point where I can allow myself to process the feelings and emotions I’ve worked so hard to repress this past year, or even to allow myself to admit how very close we came to losing our little spitfire, and how extraordinarily lucky we are to have her here with us today – healthy and normal. I’m finally starting to come to terms with it all, I guess.

So today, Sadie my dear, since it's your big day, you can tear through the cabinets, smear cake on the wall behind the high chair, feed the dog and lick her hands afterwards, scream back and forth with her sister and bite me… and I’ll smile. Tomorrow you’ll be in trouble again, but today we’re all going to bask in your amazing recovery, your health and our happiness in having you in our family.

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