The Great Disappearing Act of the Summer of 09

I've been MIA in blogland most the summer, but with good reason. My work is kicking my butt, and without regular child care during the summer I feel like I'm in a constant upstream battle. Since June I haven't left Richmond except for a few family visits to NoVA and a meeting in DC, from which I promptly returned. I'm dying to get out of here, but alas, vacation is not in the cards this year. Or next the way things are going.

Jason finally found employment, but it's anything but steady and reliable. So he continues to work. Both of my clients are struggling more than ever with the economic climate. I keep finding new things I need to spend money on for the school - a new addition to the driveway for parking, the addition of an ADA accessable bathroom, insurance, yadda, yadda... I feel like every time I call the county or social services it costs a few thousand bucks in new requirements. Take that and add in seven months of unemployment and you have the makings of a lot of fun.

There are lots of changes going on, too. The biggest one is changes in staffing at the school and with MCC, which I'm in knots over. I'm not sure how it will all play out, but I'm hoping that the fall will be less eventful and I can find a way to reduce my workload to 40-50 hour weeks.

So, needless to say, I haven't felt like blogging in my free time. The kids are doing oodles of adorable things to share, but by the end of the day I want to plop in bed with a good book (just finished Shadow of the Wind - incredible!) and ignore the world. I'm sure I'll come out of the blogging slump at some point, but for now, I just can't keep up, so I won't bother with apologies to the 3 folks that still follow along.

I did manage one splurge for the summer - we joined a pool at long last. It's great to take off in the late afternoon, head to the pool and soak up the sun. I'm a much better mom, employer and friend if I can get just an hour in the sun and water a few days a week. Guess I need to move to Florida.

I'll have big updates on the school, happenings in the house and more soon...

On the road again!

But only to DC this time. Someone should have slapped me when I suggested we'd save money by doing IMPI's symposium locally. I hate DC. Sure, it's nice for a great night of theater, or perhaps a day on the Mall, but overall, dislike it. Mean people. Crappy drivers. Nonstop traffic in every direction.

So I check into the hotel after 7 hours on the road today (from RVA to MD back to DC - should have been more like 4 tops). I'm handed a nifty slip of paper that informs me that a "routine maintenance" will occur between 3 and 5 am tomorrow morning. It's now 9. Crap. The maintenance of course involves fire alarms, power outage and flashing lights. Oddly enough, I've been to this hotel ONCE before, and it resulted in a 5:30 am fire-alarm wake up call. I'm not a fan of this hotel now. It's official.

I retire to my room and wait an hour for the usual bottle of wine to appear (when you give the hotel 60 or so thousand dollars of business they usually give you a bottle of wine and perhaps a cheese tray) and finally give up at 10:15, get in the PJs and start working. Of course then the knock comes... 10:17.

A 2006 Cab... not bad, but not to die for. It can wait for another night. But this tray of, um, stuff. Now this I must investigate. A brown squishy object, lumpy greyish glob, soggy biscotti and some squishy pecans. Now this is a new one.

Of course I have to try it all anyway. Squishy brown object is perhaps a spiced pear, aged 1 month. Greyish glob is applesauce, and not the good kind. Soggy biscotti... well, it's soggy. Pecans - one bite and I spit it out. And I do NOT spit out food. Gagging and looking for comfort, my eyes settle on the bottle of wine.

Wine in hand, I return to my beloved PJ's, log onto the computer (no free WiFi? What is this, 2002?!). But I figure, eh, what the heck. I'll be up at 3 am anyway... might as well call it a night, screw around on FaceBook and write a blog entry. I'm so far behind on work that another three to four hours will make no difference.

With that I'm off... another fabulous week of international meeting intrigue officially under way. At least there's no opportunity for lost luggage this go round.

Grief is Strange

Sometimes you think you've moved on, that the process wasn't as bad as you feared, etc. Then some days it drops on you like a load of bricks.

In the process of cleaning out office files and old emails, I came across a few notes from Amanda. Stupid, silly, snarky stuff. And I completely teared up and felt like I'd taken a left hook from out of nowhere.

I frickin' HATE cancer.

Growing Up

Like it or not, I've suddenly been faced with the reality that I am a grownup. I don't know when it happened, it just kind of snuck up in there. True, most people realize this in their 20s, but I'm a bit slow, I guess. Despite owning a home at the ripe old age of 21 and taking on progressive levels of responsibility ever since, it never really hit me that I was really, truly grown.

Kids came along, and I have relished reliving childhood memories (and creating new ones for them), but still, did not feel adultish.

I started a couple of businesses. Now I was stressed. But still not grownupish.

And Sadie was born with her complexities and my eyes were opened to a whole new world of struggles, sick children and even those lost. Friends started getting cancer and strokes. I lost a childhood friend of 20 years. I went into this suddenly adult world kicking and screaming, not ready for it. So I ignored it.

And yesterday, I became a grand-aunt. Seriously. And suddenly, very strongly, I feel grown up. And I don't want to be.

I don't want the whiskers that have suddenly popped up on the side of my face. What is that about? I am not thrilled that my body suddenly decided not to support my current lifestyle and eating habits. And I'm disturbed when the teens at concerts talk about bands as "old school" (No Doubt - REALLY? Old School?!) when telling me they enjoy the show. Not. Cool.

So I'm going to pout about it. That'll show you, adulthood. Ppppphhhhbt!

Harlie

One of the wonderful friends I've made since my move to Richmond is Christy, mom to three. Her middle child, Harlie, has been mentioned here several times before - her medical needs are huge. I so admire Christy, who I swear should have an honorary PhD in pediatric medicine. She can juggle a creeping infant and talkative five year old all while suctioning her trached two and a half year old daughter. The woman has cleaned more puke than any full time nurse, attended to countless wounds and can plug in oxygen and a feeding in no time flat. Yeah, she deserves lots of gold stars.

I'm thinking of her today, as she sits, again, in a hospital, waiting for a surgery. I've only had to be through major surgery with a child once, and I can tell you, no matter how tough you are, it's so hard. So, so hard. Christy's sat in that OR waiting room more times than I care to think about (I think this is number 11).

What a lot of people don't get about a major surgery like this is that the surgery, itself, isn't the scariest part necessarily. It's the recovery road. Christy had to pack not knowing how long she'd stay. Planning for the unknown is an impossible and daunting task. It really is too much to ask of a mom, but yet you don't get a choice in the matter. I think Christy does a fantastic job handling the hand she's been dealt, even if she thinks she doesn't.

So say a little prayer for Harlie today as she undergoes yet another surgery (this one's open heart). And, just as importantly, send a little good mojo to Christy and her family!

UPDATE: Harlie did well in surgery, though they were unable to do all they hoped because her heart is so complicated. She woke up briefly afterward and signed a bit with her parents. Should be home in two weeks or so if recovery goes well!

News on the Home Front

First of all, congrats to my friends the Stevens on their new little girl! Welcome baby Rebecca! Can't wait to meet her...

I've sucked at blogging lately - life seems to be in overdrive lately. I can't wait for the summer and a break from at least one of the businesses for a couple of weeks. Until then, you're forced to endure bullet points and brief tidbits:

• The Toothless Wonder. Katie lost her first tooth last Monday. She's got this phenomenal lisp that makes me want to reel over with laughter everytime she says something that starts with an "s". I've got to get it on video. She's so cute I can hardly stand it.
  
• Bye Bye Toddler. And helloooo preschool diva Sadie. All those words she didn't utter over the past few months that led me to worry endlessly about her 'milestones' are left by the wayside. This girl can talk. Just this past week she told me that something was 'incredible' and that Carly was 'ferocious'. She's still refusing to wear any shoes other than her purple butterfly rain boots. Style by the mile, this one.
• I HEART Hanover. Though sometimes too backroads for me and often requiring a good ol' boy network card to get a word in, Hanover County came through in flying colors for our little school. Supervisor Elton Wade was a phenomenal support, was attentive when I called him with our issues and went to bat for increasing the options (and quality) of preschools in Hanover. Debbie Coats was also a huge support. It was interesting to watch the inner workings of county government in action - perhaps you'll find me at a board meeting again (in my free time, right?!). Anyway, we got approval to expand onsite to 13 kids (plus my own) next year. We've got 11 spots filled and a hefty waiting list to follow up with!
• Smarty Pants. I decided to pull out the little mini-pond in the back yard to clean it, and recess it a bit further into the ground. I saw a vine, grabbed it with my bare hands and yanked it out. As I wiped some sweat from my eye I looked down at the weed I'd pulled I discovered (no need for drumroll on this one) it was poison ivy. I threw it over into the crazy neighbor's yard and promptly washed my hands and face. Guess I didn't get my eye well enough because I awoke the next day to a disaster of a face. It spread behind my ears, on my chest, in my (ahem) nether regions and everywhere else. The doctor gave me two shots in the rear last Friday, yet I continue to fester. I haven't worn makeup in a week. And I look oh so pretty. Really, I do.
  

The Forum

I have some blog posts I wrote on the plane I'll have to back post when I have time, but for now, I wanted to pass on that I'm free again! For a month at least...

The 10th Annual Consumer Trends Forum (aka "my baby") went off well this past week, with Jeremy Gutsche of TrendHunter.com kicking off the event with a keynote. I was extremely nervous when he went on stage - our most expensive speaker he was my pick, and my push, for the keynote. I was nervous his youth would be cliche and trends would be stale. I will admit that I cringed when he started his warm up with a bass-thumping video with text overlays I cringed. I darted glances around the room at my Boomers to see if they were already casting him off as fluff. My stomach turned thinking he would try to motivate without delivering the goods on trends, and the tools we need to translate them into innovation. Luckily for me, it turns out the guy was not only NOT fluff, but intelligent, motivating and even, dare I day, inspiring. He left with a darn near perfect score from our very diverse group of trend watchers. Check out his picks for 2009's trends....



The rest of the Forum went well, and I left with some great insights from SlowFood USA, Google, the Center for Culinary Design and other well-respected trend leaders from across the nation. All in all a good week, and a great way to conclude a taxing year of meeting planning for the event.

Now to start planning for next year... how can we top it?!

Having babies

Katie told me tonight that she doesn't want to have kids, she just wants to babysit. When I asked her why (assuming it's the pain factor - she's discussed that quite a bit lately) she told me something I didn't expect.

She said it's because mommies have to work to hard and don't get to rest much. She doesn't want to be like me, having to work and take care of kids all the time without very much sleep.

*Sniff.*

I need to set a better example.

I'm about to blow

I'm trying to hold my crap together, but in all honesty, I'm about to lose it. The past few months have been trying and I feel that if one more thing were to drop, one more catastrophe hit, that I will just not be able to function any more. And then the next shoe drops.

Perhaps it's the four jobs that I'm juggling simultaneously. It could be the overwhelming pressure I feel to find new sources of income, such as agreeing to write an eBook on a topic I have zero interest in. It could be the simple pressures of managing a household. Maybe it's the pressure I feel when trying to find creative ways to pay bills when our income has been decimated by job loss for over four months - something I'd never accounted for in my worst case financial plans. Could be the financial demise of both of my clients, my main sources of income. Perhaps the crap Hanover county is putting me through to get a special exception to operate a home-based business? Or social services hoops required for licensing? To find time for the girls - quality time - in the midst of all of it. Or the grief over losing a long time friend. The death of a marriage. Yeah, I said it. Those of you closest to me already know, but throw it into the mix.

I am desperate for a way to escape it all, but I know escape isn't the answer. I have to somehow find a way to take on and tackle each of these, and the million smaller burdens they bring along. I guess my issue at the moment is figuring out how to handle even one, let alone all of them, simultaneously.

Ut Prosim...

"That I May Serve." Take a moment today honor the memory of those we lost at Virginia Tech two years ago today. Remember the families that suffered the ultimate loss. The friends. The classmates. Those still trying to pick up the pieces today.

I choose to remember by devoting part of my day to service to others, in their honor. I hope you will too. We are Hokies, we will prevail!!

Hitting a wall...

There are times that I just hit a wall. It's a natural process we all go through, I know, but some times the wall seems a bit higher than others.

The past few months have been incredibly challenging in so many ways. I've found myself digging deeper within for strength to simply get up some mornings. It's not like I'm going through more than anyone else, it's just that, for some reason, I'm struggling right now. Doors are being closed all around me, and I'm stuck in a bit of limbo, waiting for new ones to open. I'm not a very patient person by nature, so the waiting is starting to bite at me. I keep trying new doorknobs and they're locked... one day one will open, I'm sure.

I'm having a hard time trying to find time to write, let alone get what I want out. Most of it I don't want to share with cyberspace, let alone many of my closest friends. So, hang in there. I'll be back to my normal self one day soon. Or maybe not. Either way, better blog posts will be in the works.

By the way, Amanda's send off was great. It was so nice to reconnect with friends old and new to say goodbye to one helluva great friend. A gaping hole is left in cyberspace and my circle of friends, but I'm better for have knowing her.

My Mascot for the 10K

I've got to admit, I've been a bundle of tears the last few days. Though I knew I'd likely lose an old friend, I still held out hope for a miracle, and was unprepared for her departure. If I had to play a morbid game on what friend I would lose first in my life, I would never have chosen Amanda. She was so strong, so vibrant. Yet she is gone.

I had wanted to run in her honor this year, and was an emotional wreck Friday worried about making her proud. I wanted a way to express it, but didn't want to be gooey - she would hate that. So I made a simple tee, complete with some childhood memories - a copy of her signature from high school, symbols she'd sign off with. It was therapeutic in a way, allowing time to go through our old notes and photos and letting myself feel the loss of an old friend.

I made it through the 10k, intact with no tears. In fact, I clocked in at 1:11:43, a personal best, shaving 10 minutes off of my time last year. Much of that is thanks to my running mate, Tanya, who brought out my competitive streak and kept me going. The majority of it was because of my mascot, an angel-winged zombie warrior, who flew ahead of me in my mind, egging me through the race, making me keep my word on running in her honor. I just couldn't let her down.

I thought I may be emotional when I passed Amanda's family, waving at her husband and blowing kisses to her son. Instead it gave me a renewed energy, and helped me to push even harder, and I found slight relief from the heavy grief in my heart. Several times I had cold shivers, and would imagine it was her way of telling me she was with me. The visualizations worked and pushed me to perform to the best of my abilities.

I kept tears at bay all day until later, when I wanted to tell someone about my time. And I realized the only person I wanted to tell was no longer with us.

A Parable of Immortality

Trying to balance the grief and the joy of having been privileged to call Amanda my friend, I found myself searching poetry, looking for meaning, for an explanation of my soul's song last night. This poem was one that spoke to my heart.

"A Parable of Immortality"
– Henry van Dyke

I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch
until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!
Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the places of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
'There she goes! ' ,
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
'Here she comes!'

Happy Trails Amanda... I'll miss you.

Saturday I had planned on running in Amanda's honor. Sadly, I'll be running with her memory, instead. Tonight that young, old friend spread her wings and left me behind in the dust. Though she's been sick for a long time, the loss was still sudden, and I feel blindsided - unready to say goodbye.

I've spent all evening reading old notebooks full of our childhood scribbles. Looking through scrapbooks and photos. Wishing she were by my side to laugh with me at our antics, terrible senses of style (hers was WAY cooler than mine, even back then) and countless secret phrases about anything and everything. I can't think of what to do to memorialize her, to really say what I need to say - to cut to the heart of how much I'll miss her.

So instead, I offer up a list of my top 10 favorite moments, ones that embodied a friendship that lasted a lifetime, and will last beyond.

1. (sung to "Yesterday" by McCartney) "Leprosy... all my skin is falling off of me... I'm not half the man I used to be, oh I can't live, with leprosy" - Our response to the demand for a church camp skit.
2. Stupid elevator games, to freak people out.
3. The one and only movie I've ever walked out of - The crying game. We bolted after a few scenes and headed for another theater.
4. Convincing my parents The Cure was a Christian rock band so that I could go to the concert with her. A lie I'll never regret (sorry Mom).
5. Amanda and Adrian's wedding. Never in my years of friendship had I seen Amanda so happy. To this day, I've never seen another couple so well matched, so in love, so perfect for each other. My heart aches for his loss.
6. Singing a duet to "Our God" - man I thought we rocked on harmonizing that. I used to get goosebumps over how good we were. Ha! (Amanda was a great singer, I was not). I still think of her when the TV commercials for "inspirational" songs come on with that tune.
   
7. Inscribing our memories into the rafters at the top of the girls' bathroom at our camp. I need to take a trip out there to see if they're still there. Although it would kill me if they weren't.
8. Fruit Loop Prostitute and Honeycomb Hooker. I won't bother to explain.
   
9. Skipping out to 7-11 for Blueberry New York Seltzers. I think the two of us alone should have been enough to keep the brand alive.
10. Alastair... her legacy. Sharing pregnancy stories, birthin' fun and mommy pride.
    

There are so many more. Almost 20 years worth of friendship can't be caught in ten bullet points. But I'm overflowing with emotion right now, so this will suffice.

See ya in Wonderland, Alice. I'm going to miss you.

Kid News

Because you care...

Sadie's officially potty trained - hooray! She's made it two days with only accidents while sleeping (actually, no accidents today). It only took about two months of potty requests every 30 minutes or so. Piece of cake (ha!).

Sadie's latest bed time routine is to force Jason or I to lie in bed with her and "tuddle". She gives kisses and hugs, pecks on the nose, strokes our hair and sometimes sings "Tinkle Tinkle Wittle Star" or "Some-whayw Ober da Rainbow". Then she turns over and says "I'm done sleeping with you," which is your clue to get out of the toddler bed you just folded yourself into and leave.

Soccer's back in season! Katie's on a team with two of her favorite friends this year - both boys. Already she's playing better than last year, and loving her team. Last year our team had a whiner or two, which quickly became a cancer in the group - all the kids whined and cried throughout the season. Day one of practice, and they were rockin' and rolling this year. We switched over to Dynamo from Richmond Strikers, and love the organization and direction they offer. Big change - for the better.

Katie has apparently inherited my entrepreneur gene. She's started a club for kids her age, which she designed herself. She wants it to "be fun at first, then maybe someday she'll have lots of them and make money like you[I] do." Poor thing - if only she knew how little I made from my endeavors she'd run screaming the other way.

Equal Exchange Fundraiser for Three Oaks

OK, shameless plug here.

Three Oaks Montessori (our little preschool) is hosting it's first ever fundraiser through Equal Exchange, a fair-trade cooperative that creates a direct, transparent food system that empowers small-scale farming communities throughout the world. In a world full of Walmart distribution and ownership, small-scale, local and organic farmers struggle to compete. Our students learned about the continents this past month, tying in the theme with our fundraiser.

So, if you'd like to buy any items, we have the following for sale. I've sampled most, and can vouch for them (especially the cranberries, coffee and chocolate) - they are outstanding!

5 oz Cranberries
Whole, juicy cranberries infused with organic sugar and slowly kiln-dried to preserve every last bit of flavor. $ 7.

5 oz Pecans
Plump pecans are perfectly roasted and salted to bring out their full flavor characteristics. $7.

Organic Green Tea, 25 bags per box
A healthy and invigorating tea made from premium unfermented Darjeeling tea. Popular for its antioxidant qualities and low level of caffeine. $4.

Coffee, Organic Mind, Body & Soul
Medium & Vienna Roast, 12 oz. A smooth blend with mild acidity and characteristics reminiscent of dark chocolate. $10.

Only a few items remain of each, so they're first come, first served. Thanks for any interest, and sorry for the commercial!

Birthday Fun

Sunday was my birthday, and it was one of my best (at least Saturday night was!). My sister planned an awesome little surprise party, full of some of my favorite people. I had a blast hanging out, visiting with friends and just letting loose. So much fun, in fact, that I woke up Sunday feeling a bit blue that it was over so quickly.

The past year was one of my toughest in so many ways. I took risks that didn't pay off, stuck around when I should have walked away. Ran away when I should have clung on. Made more mistakes than may seem humanly possible, yet learned more about myself and why I'm here. I'm not sure where I'll end up from all the experiences, but feel forces of change working in me to open up parts of me that have been dormant for years. Nothing like a good kick in the butt to get you to re-examine your path in life, I guess. And a few good self-help books to get you back on the right track. Blah, blah, I'll stop now.

So, another year under the belt. I look forward to the year ahead with both excitement and trepidation. There are a lot of changes in the months ahead (aren't there always?). I'm not ready to talk about them, but suffice it to say I'm hanging on for the ride of a lifetime. Great things are in the works, some things are complete unknowns and others are ripe with emotion. I can't even write or verbalize at the moment, so if I seem distant, please bear with me. I'll be back in time.

Snow Much Fun!

Look Mommy - SNOW!

Yipee!!!!

Our backyard the next morning - we woke up to 9" of snow.
Carly Sparkles Crystal loved jumping through the drifts.

Don't let the smile fool you. Sadie loved the deep snow for about 10 seconds. Then she erupted in nonstop screams all day - the snow was so deep that it came almost to her waist. Every time she fell she couldn't get back up. She was like a turtle turned over on its shell - except much, much louder.

Time for some sledding fun!

Katie the snowgirl.

Why one should not use blowpops for a short snowman's eyes.

Our Snowman 09 - go Hokies!!

Over the past three days we've sledded, had snow ball fights, drank at least a gallon of hot cocoa and built the best snow woman (Katie insisted) ever. I'm exhausted, but in that warm, fuzzy good way that comes from too much outdoor fun!

Hooray for Second Opinions!

Today was specialist day - first the cardiologist for Sadie, followed immediately by ENT/plastic surgery for Katie. For the first time in a long time I can say that both went fantastically!

After a lot of deliberation (2 1/2 years worth, to be exact) I finally took the plunge in switching cardiologists. I had a certain amount of sentimental attachment to our previous pediatric cardiologist simply because of the road we had gone down together. That said, he often was abrupt, failed to provide the full picture and belittled my questions. He's a great doctor, but just not the right fit for us. So, we moved on to Dr. Allen with the MCV group today. What a big difference!

Dr. Allen spent time reviewing Sadie's case, clarifying some muddy areas for us and talking about her recent blue spells. It turns out it's fairly normal, and a benign condition. She's just one of those kids that do this - not because of her heart issue. Her heart, he declared, is beautiful - a prime example of one of the best switch operations he's seen. Her anatomy was such that it made the switch an "easy" (if there is such thing!) operation, and he thought Dr. Peeler, her surgeon, had done an outstanding job. All good news! I was shocked with the amount of time he spent with us in reviewing her history and today's echo. Kristen, you're right, LOVE him! Thanks to all my heart friends who recommended the switch. I felt a bit like a "cheater," but after today's experience know I made the right decision. The sum up for the visit? Sadie's heart healthy and raring to go!

After dropping off Sadie at Three Oaks and picking up Katie from her school, we headed over to the ENT office for a second look at the bump on her face. I hadn't been satisfied with the "we think it's this" answer I got previously, and was not at ALL satisfied with "anyone can perform the surgery." I love the doctor who told us these things, but couldn't rest easy with either answer. So, we asked one of his colleagues who is an ENT and Plastic Surgeon (Dr. Burke) to take a look and possibly perform the surgery. One look, and the charming (did I mention British accent?!) Dr. Burke felt it is not pilomatrixoma. Based on the lab pathology, texture and appearance, he thinks it may be an infection of the lymph nodes caused, possibly, by MAC (which is neither a virus or bacterial infection). We're going to take the less invasive approach of doing up to four weeks of a different antibiotic to see what happens. He was hesitant to perform surgery on the location due to it's proximity (or possible location of) the salivatory glands and lymph nodes.

Slowly I'm becoming a more educated advocate for my kids. I'm realizing I don't have to run home and look up words that weren't explained (I can ask), and that I don't have to trust the first opinion I get. It was harder to get to that point than I realized - I think, though I like to believe otherwise, that I have a really tough time with change. I didn't want to hurt either physician's feelings or imply that they were wrong - yet if I hadn't taken that leap we'd be in surgery on Monday and I'd be worried to death with Sadie's every sign of cyanosis. Progress, baby. Progress!

The results are in...

Katie's biopsy results came in last week. Over the phone the nurse told us that the results showed a benign growth, but that an appointment with our doctor would be needed for further discussion. So I pretty much knew what was coming when we got to the ENT's office this afternoon.

I guess I haven't previously posted what's going on with her. She had a red bump appear on the side of her face in early November... her pediatrician noticed it and asked about it. I had seen it too, and assumed it was a pimple or bug bite. Then I noticed a small black "spot" in the center of it - barely a speck. December was a whirlwind, but I noted that the bump began to change, turning purplish-red. The pediatrician put her on antibiotics to get rid of whatever the culprit was (and at the same time kill the strep she was in that month for). Late December came and the bump was more pronounced and the pediatricians referred us to an ENT. The ENT took one look and sent us for a biopsy - he said he frankly had no idea what it was.

The good news is that the infected-looking nodule on the side of Katie's face is not malignant, however it is a tumor. They suspect it's a case of pilomatrixoma, a tumor "composed of cells resembling those of the hair matrix, which undergo 'mummification' and may calcify." It doesn't look quite like what our doctor has seen and it's developed rather quickly, but he's young, so I take that with a grain of salt. I'm beginning to get used to being the screwballs with the "rare" presenting case.

Dr. Sally was wonderful in talking to us at a level that was over her head when needed, but at her level for what she needed to know. He made one fatal error though - he said "operation" instead of "excision" at one point in the conversation. Katie was a ball of nerves from that point on, breaking down into tears the moment he left the room.

I don't think any kids are thrilled about the prospect of an operation, even a "minor" one such as this. Katie, however, is terrified of them. One has to remember her short little life's experiences with operations and the scars they left, the stress on the person and those around them, etc.

As a parent one never knows the right way to comfort kids. In this case, I just let go and let her get it out. We've been talking about it all night. Really, it's not a major surgery - it's minor in the grand scheme of all thing surgical. In fact, I'm thinking it might be outpatient, but I'm unsure as it does require full anesthesia. But for Katie it's scary as hell, so I'm working on validating her feelings but at the same time educating her on what, exactly, will happen and how very different it is from her frames of reference. I'm sure to screw her up somehow, but I hope it's not on this one.

I think I need to sell our story. Our freaky health cases are at least good enough for an episode or two (or three) of House.

OK my medical-world friends, I have a quest for you. I asked the doc where the best place to go for her surgery was, and he said it didn't matter, anyone could do this - scarring would occur no matter who does it, but it will be a small one (1 inch or so I think). Still, I've learned not to trust doctors on their referrals or lack thereof. I trust my friends who've been through these things much more. Suggestions? Anywhere/one I should avoid?